Bikers Against Child Abuse and Gateway to College

One of the difficulties in social work is connecting people and services. There are many organizations and groups that want to help but it is difficult to know all of them and who is eligible. As I learn about these groups I'll share them here, and would love to hear of any that you have interacted with that have been helpful, especially those that are not governmental agencies which help children.

Last night I went to a community partners meeting as part of my volunteering. (Which is a lot more orientation right now than work, it takes time to get up to speed.) There were presentations by two groups which I hadn't heard of and which do a lot to help kids in need. Maybe you've heard of them and can share your experiences or maybe their services could be helpful.

BACA - Bikers Against Child Abuse - is a group that supports abused children and their families. These are big tough men and women on motorcycles who have huge soft hearts for abused children. They are not law enforcement, they are not therapists or social workers. They give children courage and can act as "a wall" between the abuser and the child. One of their greatest services is to accompany a child to court, where they can be a physical barrier between the child and their abuser so that they can find the courage to testify. They also camp out in families' yards if the abuser is threatening the child or their family.

Two members of BACA are assigned to be the primaries for a child after they receive a call from the family. These primaries maintain contact with the child at least monthly until the child and family feel that they are no longer needed. They are always in pairs, no member of BACA is ever alone with a child. The group doesn't want to know details of the abuse against the child, and the verdict of a judicial proceeding doesn't factor into their decision to help. If a child is being threatened by their abuser, they want to help.

Before you write this group off as a scary motorcycle gang consider the fact that they go through the same criminal background checks that social workers and foster parents go through. They must attend monthly meetings for at least 3 months to prove their consistency and character before they are put before the group for a vote as to whether or not they should have the opportunity to go through background checks.

To find out more about Bikers Against Child Abuse check out their website and mission statement. I was surprised to find out that BACA was started by a BYU professor. There is a great article from Arizona about this group that had me near tears (their photo above), it describes their mission well. The men I met last night are men that I would love to have in my child's corner if we had to fight an abuser.  If you have had any interactions with BACA please share.

The other presentation was by Gateway to College, it is a national program that enables high school dropouts to complete their high school diploma (not a GED) while at the same time accumulating college credits. In our area this program is supported by the school districts and so all of the fees are waved- books, tuition, fees - all free with the exception of a $25 enrollment fee.

The conditions for admission to the program are at least an 8th grade reading level (if a child is below that remediation is possible to enable entry into the program) and the ability to complete the program before age 21, as well as a personal desire to do the work. The program requires a lot of dedication, requiring 100% attendance and 3-4 hours of homework a night, but it is flexible and makes up a lot of ground in a relatively short period of time. A child will go from a high school dropout to a high school diploma with 40 credit hours of college credit by the time they are 21, which is just a few credits short of an Associates Degree.

I have seen that the GED now carries a stigma, potential employers know that if someone has a GED they weren't able to finish high school. With this program the person receives an actual diploma, not GED or equivalent, they will make huge strides in preparing themselves for the future. Drop outs happen for many reasons, usually circumstances in the home of the child. This program enables them to still progress in life while accommodating their complex circumstances. If you, or someone you know, has been in this program please share your experiences.

There are so many great people in the world!

Relationships, Mom Version

These are my follow up thoughts after my post about relationships at Real Intent.

Relationships are a hugely important part of our lives. We try to deny this at times, especially when we are dealing with something in a relationship that is uncomfortable or painful. Mother's Day can be like that for some people, male and female. It's impossible to list the many ways in which this day can solicit painful emotions. What do we do with these feelings?

Our instinct tells us to push them away, and through doing so push away relationships, emotions, and people. Some go so far as to say that they wish Mother's Day didn't exist. The irony of this is that in pointing out how painful Mother's Day is we are reinforcing the idea that mothers are very important. The pain comes from a place deep inside us that feels a connection to our mother, or wishes for a better connection. It is evidence that our mother matters to us, that our relationship with her impacts us greatly. This also goes the other generational direction, sometimes mothers mourn for the relationship they wish they had with their children. This again reinforces the idea that the mother child relationship is important. A mother is so connected to her child that the lack of relationship is painful.

I have known some amazing mothers, and through being a foster parent I have known mothers that have been very close to prison for their lack of mothering. In all of these women I witnessed a mother child bond. Even when mothers do horrible things, they don't do them on purpose out of some destructive or pathological instinct. Mothers do what they know how to do, even when it is loving in a harmful way.

A few days ago I read about genetics in one of my textbooks and had a heavy moment as I thought about the literal reality of my son having so much of my DNA. (Because of sex chromosomes boys end up with more of their mother's genetic material than their father's.) In addition he is influenced by my presence in his life. I feel the serious weight of my choice to have children, never regretting it, but always weighted by the gravity of another's existence depending upon me. These are eternal souls being shaped under my care, there is nothing more serious or important. Unless it is my commitment to myself, continuing to faithfully progress and by so doing providing a better mother for them. Still, I fall far short of where I would like my maternal relationships to be.

Whatever our mother child relationships are they are valuable. Imperfect people love imperfectly, so of course our relationships leave something to be desired. What is wonderful is that relationships are not static, they are constantly growing and evolving. That means we have the ability to improve our relationships. Even though the other person has the autonomy to choose in the relationship also, our actions and reactions can make a huge impact.

Mothers are so very important as our first relationship. If you have been born it shows that your mother cared for you enough to do that. Even if that is as far as her mothering went, she did mother you. Honor her for that, and try to remember that she did what she was capable of doing. She would never give you less if more was within her capabilities.

Graduation, Relationships, and Pending Chaos

My oldest daughter is graduating from high school in 9 days. It's crazy. Crazy because life is so busy, she is so busy with finals and AP tests, and because I can't believe she's graduating. Family is coming into town to visit and we're throwing a party with a steampunk carnival theme. Lots going on with it, I've had fun making decorations with my friend. Going a bit overboard but I want to, it's fun, and it keeps me from getting anxious about my daughter's grades. Here's a sneak peek:

There will be snow cones, hot dogs, candy apples, games, spin art and face painting!

Yesterday I had a post at Real Intent. It's some things I've been thinking about for a while as I constantly ask myself, "Why do we need relationships?" They are gut wrenching, heart breaking, torturous affairs at their very worst, so why do we go through all of that? The answers I've found this far are in the post, Relating to God and All People.

As if to test my newly realized ideas about relationships, my in-laws and my mom and sister are visiting for graduation. I'm happy about their visits, its just so much at once. Good times can be just as stressful as bad ones.

In the meantime I'm down 20 pounds, and ran 4.5 miles last Saturday! I'm training for a 10K on June 7th, which will be followed by a half marathon in September. All part of my Fab Forty birthday year! The big 40 hits June 19. It's sure to be a doozey if the first 4 months of the year are any indication.